Wednesday, February 15, 2006

The Bi-Curious Roundtable

The French woman’s magazine Psychologies has since launched the English version . Finally a magazine for women that doesn’t talk about which sexual positions make your boobs look bigger, or how to cook a five course gourmet meal and plant the next award winning geraniums all while wearing the latest power suit from Prada. Psychologies is like your direct, tell-it-like it is therapist at a fraction of the cost. But I’m not here to up sell this magazine, because, well, they’re not paying me to. What I wanted to discuss was an article that I read in one of their issues a couple months back. I tried to find the article on-line to no avail, so my recap will have to do.

The article was discussing female sexuality and comparing it to the rigidness of male sexuality. From Cynthia Nixon , Miranda in Sex and the City doing a 180 and dumping her boyfriend for a woman, to Mischa Barton’s character in the OC dabbling in some Sapphic love to Kate Moss and her crew switch hitting in drug filled orgies to the recent girl on girl action Danni Minogue partook in at a club in London, women are getting it on with each other. While the article discussed the growing trend of “bi-curious chic” among women, it also said the trend is not surprising or even new. According to many, women are genetically programmed to be more lenient with their sexuality than men, stating that most women have a certain degree of bisexuality, where as men are much more black and white.

I personally have to wonder if this is more of a nurture versus nature phenomenon than genetics. Women are encouraged to divulge lesbian fantasies, to kiss their girlfriends when out drinking to attract men. How many women have a “well, it was in college, I was drunk…” story about their ex-roommate? Now imagine your boyfriend mentioning a little drunken romp with one of his frat boys – doesn’t quite give off the same feeling does it? Now is the difference between these two scenarios and our reaction to them due to genetics telling us male bi-sexuality is abnormal, or is just because society says it’s abnormal. Perhaps if we lived in Ancient Greece or during the Renaissance, where sexual lines were more blurred, we would be more accepting. Or maybe you guys are getting it on too, you’re just not telling us about it.

One doctor’s reasoning in the article for why women are genetically able to find both sexes attractive is because they have to be comfortable with breast feeding both male and female babies. Um, what? Now I’ve never breast fed a child, but I have a really hard time imagining that I would be worried that people might question my sexuality just because my new born daughter needed to be fed. “I swear, I’m not Gay. I can’t speak for her, but…seriously, I’m straight! I swear. Damn it! Why did I have to have a gay baby”? I mean come on.

It just seems unfair that women can have their cake and eat it too while guys are more often forced to make a choice. What do you think?

But those photos of Danni Minogue with that stripper? So hot.


RW said...

The question in my mind is - men will buy pictures of coquette-a-coquette, but will women buy pictures of male mano-a-mano? Something tells me not so much - but I couldn't actually know that I suppose.

So in one sense the market determines acceptability, perhaps. And in another sense we've come a long way from the age of Greeks and Romans taking a young man to... er.. task under cover of your normal growth pattern. Or your abnormal one for that matter.

(I said growth heh heh).

In a weird way I think it is part of the stilted way in which men are raised generally even unto this day. It is simply more acceptable for the girls. And it gives pause to the cynical comment that says "women don't have sex drives, they have motives", unless of course any example mentioned here was just a matter of the subject trying to impress a potential boyfriend.

But the larger issue is; here we are in the 21st century, we know so much more about human nature than we did just 30 years ago, so many advances in science have been made, the capabilities of humanity's creativity have grown exponentially, things that were impossible in another era are commonplace, and technology has advanced beyond anyone's wildest dreams... and we still get fuzzy black and white pictures from security cameras.

We obviously aren't quite as advanced as we like to think we are.

Donny B said...

Once the RedEye (the Chicago Tribune's little tabloid alter-ego) had a cover story about this very issue. They showed two women grinding against each other at a club with a bunch of men cheering them on and the headline called them: "Flexosexuals." Clever, eh? (not really)

There was also an article about this at They said that girl-on-girl was more acceptable because of evolution. Men find girls getting it on with each other arousing, therefore women became more open to flirting with bisexuality to turn on a potential mate. When it worked, and they mated, they passed on the "girls doing it is arousing" gene to their son and the cycle continues.

Now, since women are arguably less visually stimulated and don't care about boy-on-boy action (although some women freely admit to finding that hot), men don't have to get it on with each other to turn a woman on. Therefore, any potential "boy-on-boy is arousing" gene has been slowly shed from humans.

Put simply, theoretically, girls getting it on is good for the continuation of the species.

Plus, with some men, a girl could make out with a rock and they'd be excited.

And when did Kylie Minoque acquire a sister?

caroline said...

Oh no. I breast feed my daughter for a year. That's me a lesbian then.

Interesting post, although I have no wish to see our Danni cavorting with a stripper...

I think that female/female sex is somehow more acceptable because its seen as 'gentle', a euphemism for 'no buggery'.

Oh, and I think boys DO get it on with each other, ask any public school's just less accetable (and less arousing for the opposite sex)than sweet, fluffy girly stuff.

Danielle said...

Isn't there a similar lap dance picture of us... errr, I mean, two other girls who went to college with us?

RW said...

What's wrong with rocks?

Lauren said...

RW - Motives? Most women I know have rock hard libidos. (Present company included if we're going to share). And as far as impressing a boyfriend, I think he wishes I was a little less gay, frankly.

Donny - I like your argument, makes a lot more sense than that stupid breast feeding crap. Um, Kylie has had a sister for like awhile... her songs are kinda butt and her boobs are a lot faker than her older sisters.

Caroline - I dated an English guy that told me every male of the royal family lost their anal virginity before there, uh, penile one. Kinky.

Danielle - Ladies and gentleman, I present you with my ex-roommate.

Donny B said...

Did you say her songs are "kinda butt"? That's hilarious. I'm using that. Do you also still say "butt-munch"? You're the only person I know who still says that. I love it.

Trish said...

Interestingly, this topic makes me feel kind of 'grrrr' inside...and I don't mean that in a frisky, on-the-prowl kind of way.

I find sexuality fascinating. Ultimately, it's a mystery, and science has yet to put its finger on explaining how it works and why it works the way it does. Considering how advanced science is, I find that awfully cool.

I, apparently, am one of the three straight women in the world who never had a 'we were sooooooo drunk and it just happened' experience with a college friend. Honest to Pete, it never occured to me. Not while in college, at any rate. At that age, I was just coming in to my sexuality, falling head over heels in love with a boy and seriously being FLOORED by the attraction I felt to him. Very exciting stuff, but I could barely wrap my head around it.

Since then, I've certainly wondered about kissing a woman (and yes, I had been drinking). One or two friends come specifically to mind. And I think that's fine. I don't judge that. What I have a problem with is exactly what you described, Lauren: young women (or girls) kissing each other for the sole purpose of getting the attention of a male. Public displays, all the 'Girls Gone Bad' videos...I find them sad. It's empty and cheap and manipulative and -- ultimately -- false, which is what really bothers me. It's likely a symptom of a larger issue with young women today, using their sexuality almost as a throwaway thrill. Nothing means anything.

I know, I know. As the song goes, a kiss is just a kiss. But the lyric actually says a kiss is still a kiss. And I'm of that school. A kiss should have meaning or feeling behind it -- whether it's love or lust. But it shouldn't be just for show. I think a lot of women and men are beautiful. But that doesn't mean I'm attracted to them. So kissing them? Would be empty. I've been attracted to men I don't find physically handsome. One in particular gave me the best kisses I ever had (seriously! Toe curling.). Attraction is about chemistry. And that is a complete mystery.

Donny, I am one of those women you referenced who enjoys seeing men gettin' all lovey. But to be clear, I don't mind watching anyone in a clinch if the people involved are attractive. I mean, let's be real. If two butch lesbians were in Cabo during spring break and kissed on the dance floor, they wouldn't get quite the same reception as the same performance by comely co-eds Ashley and Jennifer.

Although, after hearing RW's defense of 'arousal by rock,' maybe I'm being naive.

Lauren said...

Trish, I agree with what you're saying, perhaps not as passionately as you, but the phenomenon of young girls kissing in throbbing clubs just to get mens attention cheapens a kiss. But I have to admit, I think part of me hates that not out of the sanctity of a kiss, but because I have an issue with skinny blonde girls taking away all the boy's attention from me. But that is a discussion for a whole other roundtable.

For I certainly have kissed my fair share of girls in bars, but that was just because the bartender told me to, and she was the only thing standing between me and a free shot.

What happens on rue Mouffetard in Paris, STAYS on rue Mouffetard is all I have to say.

Trish said...

Touche, my friend. Touche. As part of a liquor-friendly roundtable, I can hardly wag a finger at anyone doing what they must for a free shot.


Ammo said...

I was wondering when the gay baby issue would come up again. And if you snogged girls for free shots what can my excuse be???